Hi everyone!
A bit of a longer post, but I wanted to use this Throwback Thursday to touch on Mental Health Awareness Month and share a little bit of my own story.
Before we get started, some warnings: I am going to discuss symptoms of anxiety and depression. This may be disturbing to some readers, so please proceed with caution and be kind to yourselves.
I don’t wish to start at the beginning of my journey; rather, I’d like to start at rock bottom and discuss recovery. It’s a vital part of mental health and, arguably, the most delicate of places to begin healing. Once you’ve begun healing, it’s easier to pick it back up than to start for the first time.
It’d be really convenient to have a specific moment where I knew I hit rock bottom, but to be completely honest, I don’t know. I know there was a period of time where all hope was gone, where I felt like I was contributing nothing and felt like I would never contribute anything worthwhile to my family, to my friends, or to society as a whole. There are days I still get those feelings trying to creep back up.
What really, truly kickstarted my journey back to recovery and a place of healing is a friend from college who told me about the counseling department at our school. She advocated for them and spoke very highly of them. This friend is someone who is so endlessly optimistic, bubbly, and loving so to hear that she was using the counseling service made me believe that maybe I could benefit as well.
I began seeing the counseling department my sophomore or junior year of college, and continued until Covid for, well, obvious reasons. This was one of the many dips I experienced in my journey. I’ve heard it said that mental health is a constant roller coaster. I feel like it’s accurate because even when I’m feeling my best, with my support system, I’ll hit a low seemingly out of nowhere.
Sometimes, during your journey, you just have to accept that depression or anxiety happen. Sometimes there is no one trigger. Sometimes you wake up and suddenly your limbs feel like lead, you feel like you can’t breathe, and like something (you don’t even know what) really really bad is going to happen.
This leads me to my favorite part from those counselling sessions. Grounding exercises, finding and using your support system, and recognizing what’s happening. You acknowledge what you’re feeling, understand and feel it, and push through it to the other side because you know you’re going to be okay. Sometimes, it’s okay to not be okay. It will pass in time, and you’ll feel alright again.
I have come a long way from rock bottom, but there are some days where I’m taken right back. That’s okay, that’s part of the journey. It’s not about “getting better” per se, it’s about being better at managing your symptoms and understanding what’s happening so you can handle it in the moment. There will always be bad days. But, the nice thing is that there will be good days as well. Great days, even.
Don’t give up. You are seen, more than you know. You are heard. And you will always have a choice and someone willing to listen.
Take care, my rosebuds,
Olivia🌹💚
Rose Petal Writings 